Tom I decided it would be a good day to go visit the Museum of Natural History. I knew we would be taking pictures so I decided to dress Haylie in a cute new outfit we just bought her. It's the cutest little outfit. Sweet pink camo cargo's and a pink sweater. I decided to start dressing in her in lots of pink because people on the subway keep mistaking her for a boy! That has nothing to do with the story, just know she was looking cute as a button and I was excited to get some photo's outside of our apartment.Once we arrived at the museum (after carrying Haylie's large stroller up several flights of stairs) we got out a map and decided to devise a strategy. We headed over to the elevators to start on the 4th floor where the dinosaurs exhibit is located. As we were waiting for the elevators we took Haylie out of her stroller so she could see everything around us. A few seconds later Tom looked at me and asked if there was a changing table in the womens room. He then showed me the arm of his sweater, which was soaked through with poo. Yes, folks she had managed to produce a "Poopcon 4" (Think Defcon 4=massive, out of this world diaper emergency) that was all over her pants, her shirt, and Tom! I took her into the ladies room where I immediately set to work changing Haylie's diaper. The buckle on the changing table was broken so with one hand I hold Haylie down on the table and with the other hand search franticly in the diaper bag for the diaper and wipes. I find them just in time for Haylie to start screaming at the top of her lungs and begin thrashing about trying to get off the table. I manage to get her pants off and wipe her down, it's all over her, and it takes a whole package of the travel size wipes to get her kind of clean. I had the other diaper right under her, ready to put it on, I roll up her dirty diaper and I glance down at Haylie just in time to see a waterfall of urine pouring out of her. For some reason a little bit even sprayed up onto my clothes, and of course not a bit of the pee gets on the diaper all laid out ready to be put on. It all flows down her legs and onto the changing table where it turns into a yellow lake, probably half an inch deep! Keep in mind her diaper reeks, and she is still screaming and people are walking past me into the stalls wondering why my baby is screaming. I was slightly embarrassed, hoping it would be over soon, and secretly thinking it was all kind of funny! Like I said earlier, I had used up ALL of the baby wipes with the POOPCON 4 so I didn't have any left so I had to use the paper towels in the dispenser to wipe her down. In case you didn't know they aren't at all absorbent so it just stuck to her bum in patches. I was able to pull out a new diaper (the other one sustained urine damage from the newly formed Lake Haylie) and get it on her. It's at this moment when I remember ever so clearly a firm prompting I had just a few minutes before we left the apartment. The prompting came several times in fact, "take a change of clothes". Did I heed this prompting? No, I did not. Since she had poo all over her shirt, and pants (only her socks and sweater managed to survive), and I had failed to bring an extra change of clothing she had to be white trash and wear just her diaper and her pink sweater the rest of the day. We wrapped her blanket around her to try and cover her up (as you can see in the pictures). I think I was more disappointed than she was, I was really hoping to get some cute pictures of her all dressed up. Instead I have a whole bunch of pictures where it looks like my baby is naked, in the winter, at the museum. When I left the bathroom to find Tom he managed to break into a utility closet and found a plastic bag to store the wreckage. Tom had also cleaned his sweater up so he didn't smell, in case you were wondering. Tom and I had a pretty good laugh about everything once we had stored all the clothes away in newly acquired garbage bag.
In case you think the adventure was over there, think again. Our second adventure begins at the elevators. For some reason massive amounts of able bodied people decided that they should take up the limited space in the elevator. After waiting for close to 15 minuets we finally found room in one of the elevators. We hopped on grateful for a spot. Once we arrived at the next level tons of people started pouring into the elevator. There wasn't nearly enough room for everyone, with all the little kids inside, but those damn foreigners just kept pushing (maybe where they come from it's okay to smash children and pregnant women so they can't breath) in until I yelled at everyone that no one else was allowed in. Everyone in the elevator was grateful except those that had pushed there way on. As the doors were closing another man, who I will call Midwest Man was really angry about all the people and began yelling at some man who was standing in front of him saying "there are kids in here, and you're smashing into them". The other man who I will call Yellow Jacket, yelled back that he didn't feel like he was pushing into anyone. This is where it gets exciting, Midwest Man says "Oh yeah? Can you feel this?!" and goes ahead and shoves Yellow Jacket! I was surprised but I was ready to jump in and defend Midwest Mans actions, that's what you get for pushing into little kids moron! Yellow Jacket who had just been shoved exited eagerly at the next level. Once he was gone Midwest Man apologized to the rest of us for being so rude. Hey, I don't blame you man.
I'm not going to go into the details of Tom yelling at the entire elevator of people. The same elevator full of people that had just witnessed the shoving match. Needless to say if you are on an elevator, or train with Tom and you don't get off to let those at the back of the train/elevator off, you will wish you had!
After all the Poopcon 4 and elevator excitement the rest of the Museum didn't seem nearly as exciting...except for the part when we tried to find the exit, but that's a story for another day!
