Thursday, December 27, 2007

Poopcon 4 and an Elevator full of Angry People

Tom I decided it would be a good day to go visit the Museum of Natural History. I knew we would be taking pictures so I decided to dress Haylie in a cute new outfit we just bought her. It's the cutest little outfit. Sweet pink camo cargo's and a pink sweater. I decided to start dressing in her in lots of pink because people on the subway keep mistaking her for a boy! That has nothing to do with the story, just know she was looking cute as a button and I was excited to get some photo's outside of our apartment.

Once we arrived at the museum (after carrying Haylie's large stroller up several flights of stairs) we got out a map and decided to devise a strategy. We headed over to the elevators to start on the 4th floor where the dinosaurs exhibit is located. As we were waiting for the elevators we took Haylie out of her stroller so she could see everything around us. A few seconds later Tom looked at me and asked if there was a changing table in the womens room. He then showed me the arm of his sweater, which was soaked through with poo. Yes, folks she had managed to produce a "Poopcon 4" (Think Defcon 4=massive, out of this world diaper emergency) that was all over her pants, her shirt, and Tom! I took her into the ladies room where I immediately set to work changing Haylie's diaper. The buckle on the changing table was broken so with one hand I hold Haylie down on the table and with the other hand search franticly in the diaper bag for the diaper and wipes. I find them just in time for Haylie to start screaming at the top of her lungs and begin thrashing about trying to get off the table. I manage to get her pants off and wipe her down, it's all over her, and it takes a whole package of the travel size wipes to get her kind of clean. I had the other diaper right under her, ready to put it on, I roll up her dirty diaper and I glance down at Haylie just in time to see a waterfall of urine pouring out of her. For some reason a little bit even sprayed up onto my clothes, and of course not a bit of the pee gets on the diaper all laid out ready to be put on. It all flows down her legs and onto the changing table where it turns into a yellow lake, probably half an inch deep! Keep in mind her diaper reeks, and she is still screaming and people are walking past me into the stalls wondering why my baby is screaming. I was slightly embarrassed, hoping it would be over soon, and secretly thinking it was all kind of funny! Like I said earlier, I had used up ALL of the baby wipes with the POOPCON 4 so I didn't have any left so I had to use the paper towels in the dispenser to wipe her down. In case you didn't know they aren't at all absorbent so it just stuck to her bum in patches. I was able to pull out a new diaper (the other one sustained urine damage from the newly formed Lake Haylie) and get it on her. It's at this moment when I remember ever so clearly a firm prompting I had just a few minutes before we left the apartment. The prompting came several times in fact, "take a change of clothes". Did I heed this prompting? No, I did not. Since she had poo all over her shirt, and pants (only her socks and sweater managed to survive), and I had failed to bring an extra change of clothing she had to be white trash and wear just her diaper and her pink sweater the rest of the day. We wrapped her blanket around her to try and cover her up (as you can see in the pictures). I think I was more disappointed than she was, I was really hoping to get some cute pictures of her all dressed up. Instead I have a whole bunch of pictures where it looks like my baby is naked, in the winter, at the museum. When I left the bathroom to find Tom he managed to break into a utility closet and found a plastic bag to store the wreckage. Tom had also cleaned his sweater up so he didn't smell, in case you were wondering. Tom and I had a pretty good laugh about everything once we had stored all the clothes away in newly acquired garbage bag.

In case you think the adventure was over there, think again. Our second adventure begins at the elevators. For some reason massive amounts of able bodied people decided that they should take up the limited space in the elevator. After waiting for close to 15 minuets we finally found room in one of the elevators. We hopped on grateful for a spot. Once we arrived at the next level tons of people started pouring into the elevator. There wasn't nearly enough room for everyone, with all the little kids inside, but those damn foreigners just kept pushing (maybe where they come from it's okay to smash children and pregnant women so they can't breath) in until I yelled at everyone that no one else was allowed in. Everyone in the elevator was grateful except those that had pushed there way on. As the doors were closing another man, who I will call Midwest Man was really angry about all the people and began yelling at some man who was standing in front of him saying "there are kids in here, and you're smashing into them". The other man who I will call Yellow Jacket, yelled back that he didn't feel like he was pushing into anyone. This is where it gets exciting, Midwest Man says "Oh yeah? Can you feel this?!" and goes ahead and shoves Yellow Jacket! I was surprised but I was ready to jump in and defend Midwest Mans actions, that's what you get for pushing into little kids moron! Yellow Jacket who had just been shoved exited eagerly at the next level. Once he was gone Midwest Man apologized to the rest of us for being so rude. Hey, I don't blame you man.

I'm not going to go into the details of Tom yelling at the entire elevator of people. The same elevator full of people that had just witnessed the shoving match. Needless to say if you are on an elevator, or train with Tom and you don't get off to let those at the back of the train/elevator off, you will wish you had!

After all the Poopcon 4 and elevator excitement the rest of the Museum didn't seem nearly as exciting...except for the part when we tried to find the exit, but that's a story for another day!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Who's in your House?

Tom is on Holiday for the next two weeks. Ask me how we've spent the first few days of his vacation. Well, besides a fair amount of shopping we've spent the remaining time watching Harry Potter DVD's and trying to figure out which "House" we would be in. I know everyone thinks they're a Gryffindor because their brave and they always win the "House Cup", yadda, yadda, yadda. I've always considered myself either a Ravenclaw or a Gryffi, but this week Tom and I set out to prove where we really belong. We have taken no less than 10 tests promising to tell us which house we fit into. One test even claims it was written by Psychologists
and was a whopping 122 questions! That said let me preface by saying that I think the worst house to be in is Huffelpuff. All of the other houses boast specific qualities...except Huffelpuff. They'll take anybody, which doesn't ever make a person feel really special.

After the aforementioned tests it turns out I'm Slytherin. I would try and say this may be a mistake, but deep in my heart I know it's true. After coming to grips with who I really am I'm proud to be a Slytherin. They aren't all evil you know! Snape, my favorite Harry Potter character was Slytherin, along with many other talent wizards. Slytherins are so misunderstood, it's a shame! We get a bad rap for our ambition but are we really so different than the always popular Gryffindors?

Now as upset as I was at being in Slytherin, Tom was even more disappointed because it turns out he's totally a Huffelpuff! I didn't think anyone I knew really belonged in Huffelpuff, except for my little sister Kenzie, but lo and behold I freaking married one. If I had known he was Huffelpuff I might have thought differently about him. Which kind of just proves that I really do belong in Slytherin.

Tom didn't want to accept who he really was so he took test after test. Where as my test results showed Slytherin time and again, Tom's results were varied. He ended up being in Ravenclaw. He wasn't disappointed with that since that means he can share a common room with Cho Chang...didn't you know he's always had a thing for Asian girls? Why he married a blond, green eyed girl I'll never know...except maybe I do. Total Slytherin, I manipulated him into marrying me like only a true Slytherin could do. Kudos to me for landing a smart and witty Ravenclaw!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Into the City

Haylie and I are extremely cultured. Since she is a city babe she gets to do things that other eight month olds only dream about. For instance this last week she attended her first ballet performance. The NYC Theater Ballet did a special showing of The Nutcracker at the World Financial Center in Manhattan. Haylie and I attended along with Beckett and Dawnell and a host of other Manhattan babies and Nannies! It was so much fun to see the costumes and the dancing. Haylie enjoyed it too. We had prime seats on the steps of hall so she was able to watch the ballet and crawl on Beckett during the boring parts!

Later that same week Haylie accompanied me to midtown to meet up with Jill Anderson Lloyd. This was very exciting since it's been months since I've seen any AZ friends. Jill was a breath of fresh AZ/Utah air. She brought some much needed news a.k.a gossip. Jill is so fun to hang out with, she is hilarious. Haylie also enjoyed the day out while munching on Cheerios. The guy at the restaurant had to come by our table no less than three times to sweep up her Cheerio droppings! I tried to tell her it was bad manners to drop her food on the floor, but she wouldn't listen!

As if two trips into the city wasn't enough, I packed up Haylie again on Saturday morning to go meet 14 of my book club friends at Sarabeth's (a restaurant) for Brunch. Yes, I am and my Manhattan girlfriends have brunch, are you all a little bit envious right now? I ordered the Lemon Ricotta pancakes, delicious! After Brunch we headed over to Jill's apartment to where we reveled our secret Santa gifts! We also did a children's Christmas book exchange. I love childrens Christmas books. I highly recommend the book "Osbert". It's about a little boy who asks for and gets a real penguin for Christmas and then ends up regretting it. It's so funny! Go buy it now! You won't be sorry! The Christmas party was great, Jill did a wonderful job with the decorations. Haylie loved chilling with Jill's pet rabbit, I think she might want one of her own for Christmas!

I think next week I will take her to the Natural History Museum and Rockefeller Center, and maybe the Met.. look forward to more Haylie in the City!

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Christmas Lists

We have lots of kids in our family. As a result every year we pick names out of a hat (literally, someone tosses names into a hat, and someone picks them out, it is awesome). This year I got my 14 year old sister Mackenzie.

I probably haven't told nearly enough Kenzie stories for anyone to truly appreciate her Christmas list, but I will tell this any way because it is just that good!

This last week I called home to AZ to talked to Kenzie about what she wanted for Christmas. The converstation went like this..

Me: Kenz, I have your name this year. What do you want for Christmas?"
Kenz: I like makeup. Latley I've been wearing green eye shadow, so maybe more of that. Or there is a Medieval sword that I want...but it's too expensive.
Me: Really, a Medieval sword, huh? That's too bad it's too expensive.
Kenz: Yeah, (with a wistful sound in her voice).... but there is a Dagger I found on ebay. It's only 12 dollars!

In case you are curious, I did not buy her a Dagger. She is getting something girlie and age appropriate. The great thing about this story is that she took the time to search out a sword that she wanted, and then went to ebay and entered a search for "Daggers". Yes, that's my sister and she is awesome!

I hope you enjoyed the random picture of Haylie. I haven't posted any of her for awhile and I realize that some people rely on this blog for Haylie updates. In this picture she is acting all sweet, what you don't see is that moments before I was dragging her out of the bathroom where she likes to suck on the toilet fixtures. She is that worse than Kenz eating a cockroach when she was the same age as Haylie is now? You be the judge!

Our Apartment

I know, I know. I promised pictures weeks ago and never put any up. Didn't you all know that I am totally disorganized? Well, here they are faithful readers. I can honestly say, no matter how lavish and big our future homes will be I will never love them as much as I do this place. It's probably because of the squalor we lived in previously, but I honestly wake up everyday grateful to be in a place as nice as this one..funny what you come to appreciate, isn't it?